Confessions of a Humbert Humbert

Nearly two years ago, I started to watch a once inconspicuous little anime called Rozen Maiden. And there I encountered a true lady, a perfect symbiosis of sophistication and femininity in a doll called Shinku (真紅). After I witnessed the very first time she drank tea, to put it lightly and inadequately, I was enraptured by her. I decided I wanted to show some, or rather, my appreciation of this apotheosis. So I scoured devotedly of digital likelinesses of Shinku, and regularly, I bore my accumulated efforts onto 4chan under the name of Humbert Humbert, where I spoke with fitting high pulchritude of adoration to Shinku. For over an entire year of 2005 I persisted. The occupation was more of an exercise in my google searching and creative writing skills. But when my labor has past its peak and started to wane in the early part of this year, I realized abruptly in a mix of satisfaction and horror, that I have inadvertently created a legend. The power of Humbert Humbert’s shamelessly fervent and eloquent words, which I have tried to imitate to the best of my abilities (for I have had re-read Lolita many times), was greater than I thought. My legend is both a blessing and a curse that my 4chan handle Humbert Humbert !nQShinkuJ. will now forever carry. It is a blessing, because it is my immortality in 4chan. Even when I am not present, Humbert Humbert is occasionally but invariably mentioned, and sometimes even presence demanded, in threads I happen to stumble upon regarding Shinku, Rozen Maiden, and other related topics, giving evidence that this legacy is what my name will live on when I am long gone. And it is a burden, because the essence of Humbert Humbert, a persona who is solely obsessed with Shinku, was caricaturized and permanently frozen in the minds of 4channers. I can feel the expecting eyes scrutinizing my every post, comparing me to my past. When I make a thread or response speaking some good or admiring some other character, I am assailed with such statements as: “How could you betray Shinku?!”, or “What’s wrong Humbert? I thought you only had eyes for Shinku.” There is pressure on me to behave in a certain strict way that fits in with their image of Humbert Humbert, and when I act differently, even seemingly a tiny little bit outside of such boundary, I feel there is someone who is casting a criticizing glance at me, as if I broke the rules. *Sigh*, such is the afflicting situation I find myself in 4chan. I write this in hopes that maybe there might be the rare few 4channers that will stumble upon this site and read this, and perhaps even the rarer few that will find sympathy for me. The curious reader may ask: “What is Shinku to me?”. That is a very daunting question that I’m still asking myself, and even I cannot quite put the abstruse answer into words, and if I could, would span into immense length that I’m not quite ready to compose yet. Oh, it’s almost ten. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have tea time with Shinku.